Detroit, Michigan
Detroit(1701-1987) is a city in Michigan. It is commonly regarded as the first colony; However, Lindenhurst, Illinois was indeed the first colony. Founding and Orphan Years Detroit was originally part of France, having been founded in 1701. When Detroit was still in it's infancy it was put up for adoption, where it was claimed by Canada. Detroit would remain part of Canada until 1794 when Americans, led by Optimus Prime, manned up, marched into Michigan, and took it. They did this because (1) they could, and (2) America needed a Big Giant Hand to go with its Big Giant Penis (aka Florida). Early American Years Later in 1794 the new inhabitants of Detroit decided to make a vacation spot out of Lake Saint Clair's coast line. They decided to call it Grosse Pointe. In 1812 Detroit was kidnapped by the British, but was able to bite King George's leg and run back to America. The Automotive Years To salute the efforts of the vehicular Optimus Prime and his forces of good which captured Detroit and Michigan in 1794. The auto industry was based in Michigan, specifically Detroit. After Detroit built a stable automotive industry it was finally considered an adult. Hummers were invented in 1852, and became Detroit (and Michigan's chief export from that year until 2006. Detroit's auto factories also cranked out quality shit like the badass American muscle car and the SUV. Detroit reached it's height during World War II while saving it's fraternal mother (France or England, take your pick) from Hitler. A whole bunch of quality military shit like tanks and airplane engines and shit that goes boom was built in the automobile factories to help with the war effort. Time of Unrest and Upheval Throughout the 1960s and 70s Detroit experimented with drugs and was almost exiled. There was like, rioting and stuff, which made the White People escape to the suburbs (i.e. all the other cities in Michigan). This may or may not have been a plan by bears to ruin the city's great economy, in their longtime plan to recapture Michigan in the name of Canada. Regardless, there was great chaos in a once great city, and by the late 1980s, something needed to be done. Deployment of RoboCop and The Death of Detroit In 1987 RoboCop was deployed to assassinate Detroit. RoboCop shot Detroit in the heart following a three hour cage-fight. Strangely, Detroit had a 20 minute monologue leading up to it's death. Detroit's last words were, "you don't have the balls to shoot me!" Today, the suburbs of Detroit thrive. In fact, every city in Michigan is considered a suburb of Detroit. However, no one enters the city limits, for inside all one will find is rubble and radioactive waste. All of the major Detroit sports teams, including the Lions, Tigers, Pistons, and Red Wings, survived. However, the Lions were temporarily moved to Pontiac until 2002. The Pistons were moved to Auburn Hills, where as the Red Wings stayed put at "The Joe" Attempts to Revive Detroit In 2002, the exiled White People of Detroit attempted to rename the city, in a plan to clean up the radioactive waste and rebuild on its ruins. They voted that the city's name be changed to Delta City in honor of the 1987 film "RoboCop," which was a documentary detailing how the city of Detroit had been put out of its misery. Also, due to the fact that the name Detroit is French, because of the hard feelings created by the current ongoing bear / French conspiracy to take back Michigan from America and return it to Canada. The Supreme Court knocked down the decision in a split 5-4 vote claiming the city had been named Detroit for 300 years, long before the bear / French conspiracy had been perpetrated. Most Americans agree that it is irrelevent because the bears were here when the French founded the city 300 years ago so it could have been part of a plot all along. Unfortunately there hasn't been an opportunity to bring it before the court and have the decision overturned since George W. Bush finally got non-activist judges appointed to the Supreme Court. After losing the Supreme Court decision, the exiled White People lost interest, and decided to go back and watch hockey or whatever the hell they like to do with all their bullshit free time. After the Crackers gave up, Detroit fell once again and is now thought of as a bum laying on the side of the street. See Also * Henry Ford * Toyota External Tubes *Detroit finally finds way to get rid of Welfare Queens and Unions! *Detroit to get more bootstraps *White People reclaim black Detroit from "undesirables"!